H.M. and scorpions. Figures.

When Cana was 2 months old, I took her to her baby appointment. The pediatrician asked how things were and I told him, well, they are ok… I mean, this baby cries, A LOT. (I’m pretty sure I almost started crying at that point.) He said that nothing was wrong with her, but said that he likes to refer to “those” kind of babies as High Maintenance. hahahahaha. So fortunately I don’t go to that pediatrician anymore, but I do like to refer to things as high maintenance now. I use the term so much, that I just say HM now. Like, for example, us Neal’s are so HM because so many people have had to help us this past year, just get through the year alive and well!! That’s HM.

I’m thinking Cana must have gotten her HM from me. I’ve never thought of myself as HM, b/c I am a pretty simple person at heart. But when my simple needs aren’t met, I turn into SUPER DUPER HM LADY. And I don’t think I’m very fun.

Chip’s transition into his new job has been just what I called it – a transition and not the easiest of ones either. From one week to the next we feel like we are catching our breath then going in again for the weekly ride of unknowns, and being stretched to an almost breaking point! The craziness of it all (and even though Malina is a very LM (low maintenance) baby, just adding a baby makes it harder) the lack of sleep for the adults in the house, the lack of communication between the adults in the house, the financial fears between us… add all of it up and I have turned into a CRAZY HM lady. NOT to mention that I found a huge scorpion on our floor yesterday. That is enough to turn me into a craze.

Once again, I know we will get through this. God always takes us on wild rides and I’m not totally sure why… so we continue to lean on him, look to him, ask him for guidance and most importantly pray that he keeps our family strong and together during this time. Because what’s the point of life if we aren’t together?

This is Cana when she was about 2 1/2 months old… how could we call that sweet face high maintenance?

9 hrs at 7 weeks!!

This is HUGE. I mean HUGE.

MALINA ELIZABETH ANNE NEAL has slept through the night for a week. I am not even joking. And I mean 9 hours worth of sleep. That is just amazing to me.

I have constantly been amazed with this dream child. hahahaha!!! No seriously though, Cana FINALLY slept through the night at 12 weeks, Jackson was 8 or 9 weeks – with some serious prompting – like we had to endure his crying in the middle of the night to get him to sleep through the night. But NOT this baby. God definitely blessed us in this area. I would wonder how on earth we were going to do it (get her to sleep through the night) with Chip’s new job and early morning schedule. But I didn’t even have to work with her, she just did it, and that to ME, is AMAZING.

It’s the little things now, like 9 hours straight of sleep, that keep me happy and thankful.

Whoo-hoo! Here’s to 9 more hours of sleep tonight!

Feeeeeeelings…. and questions

Why???? I don’t know. And I guess I’ll never have the answer.

Because, times are hard. (still). Feelings are hurt. (still). Wounds are a bit raw. (still).

I WISH (with everything that was in me) that I wasn’t writing this right now. But I am.

Is life this hard for everyone? I’m pretty sure it is. Are there valley’s that everyone goes through where they have to climb out and rely on God’s strength to get them through? I know that everyone goes through valleys…

Sometimes certain things trigger feelings deep inside me about the last couple of years. I have no idea what the trigger was, but I was out running yesterday with Malina, getting to look at her sweet sleeping face the whole time I ran, listening to some worship music on my ipod… and some feelings were triggered. Sadness. I just wanted to cry. Why was 2009 so hard? Why did God bring us to Arizona? We really felt and prayed that God called us out here 6 years ago… half the time here Chip has been in pain, physical therapy, had surgeries galore and finally end up in rehab, and now a new job – not in ministry… and still hurting. Its just confusing.

Maybe one day we’ll have the answer. But right now we have to realize that this is the road that God has brought us down. And even though 2009 was so hard, I grew so much, learned so much and felt so much. So I will continue to hold on to those things. Thank you God for my beautiful family, the friends that support me and the husband that goes to work everyday to provide for us. As tough as it is right now, we thank you.

6 weeks… and burpees.

So, the baby is officially 6 weeks old, which means two things:

1. I get to start “really” working out

2. I should start losing weight. hahaha (who thought I was going to say something else? this is G rated people.) But yes, that too.

So yesterday I decided I’d attempt my first Crossfit. And I attempted only the warm up with some extra abs, squats and other things. Can I tell you how SORE I am? I mean, WOW.

I went on the Crossfit website and to see what they had for today… 100 BURPEES!! hahahahaha… oh burpees! I actually had forgotten about those. I mean, lunges yes, pushups yes, but the whole sqat back jump pushup front jump clap in the air??? How could I forget????

Since I’m “revamping” my mommy body, I think I will start with a certain amount of burpees, that do not equal 100. I’ll let you know how it goes… right after the advil kicks in for yesterday’s workout.

what does your day look like?

Here’s what mine looks like!

3:30 am: I hear the grunting and snorting… I give it a few more minutes and it turns to crying. I grab the babe before she wakes anyone else up and I feed her. We do this for a half hour or so. And I happily fall back asleep listening to my baby grunt a little bit more as she falls back to her sweet sleep as well!

6:00 am: I hear Chip’s alarm go off and he gets ready for the day.

6:30 am: The babe would like to eat again! (I know this because she tells me, again.)

7:00 am: Chip gives us all kisses as he leaves and I put the baby back in the bassinette. Sweet sleep here I come AGAIN!

8:30ish am: The other chickens start making their way into my room. Time to get up!!!! This is what I woke up to the other morning!

The day goes on, and since I am a simple being I have few needs. (haha) They are 1. To exercise in some form and 2. To not let my house become a disaster zone. I can’t think when there is junk EVERYWHERE!! So those needs have turned into daily goals. Can I tell you how hard it is to accomplish them??? Between nursing an infant every 2 – 3 hours and making snacks/meals for my other two – along with wiping poopy bottoms and cleaning up scrapes from falls, its hard to get anything done!

So today was the exercise day. And thank you B.O.B. for making it possible for this lady to exercise.  (and kids who are willing to go on long bike rides!!)

I knew we had to get it done early and move quick. So for me, moving quick meant 11 am we were finally out the door. Helmets on, bikes moving, baby in B.O.B. We met Carrie and off we went for our 4 mile loop. Thank God for my sister, otherwise we would’ve been gone all day. Fortunately we were armed with waters for everyone and lots of snacks… which unfortunately meant we had to stop to take lots of water and snack breaks.

1 pm: We make it home! Don’t think it didn’t come with some bribing of ice cream for some little chickens to please get back on your bike? Please?

The rest of the afternoon consists of cartoons, lunch, nursing the baby (multiple times I’m sure) a shower (whew!) and back outside for kids to get their energy out again!

5:30ish pm: YAY Chip gets home! Dinner happens soon after, then clean up, baths, cartoons, and more play time.

8:30ish: Bedtime for kids! I’m probably nursing (again. I know).

9:00ish: The littlest Neal does one last feeding and heads to bed till that 3:30am stretch… and we start it all over again.

Thank you Lord for coffee, for friends who make this life fun, for family and their phone calls and just knowing that this time in my life won’t last long. Before I know it, my sweet little chickens will all be in school… I know I’ll never have this time with all three of them home again.

Hope your day was great!

2010

Awwww, 2010, you have shown up. Finally.

I’ve been on a little blogging sabbatical… how I forget how forgetful the mind becomes when you add a new baby and little sleep to the already revolving life of mommyhood!!

Since the birth of #3 I have come to some conclusions:

1. I’m probably not going to be on time anywhere for the next couple of months.

2. I probably won’t be making dinner for the next couple of months.

3. Oh, did Christmas 2009 actually happen?

4. It’s normal for a 4-year-old to take care of an infant, right?

5. Dark black circles under the eyes and eye twitches come hand in hand with a new baby.

6. Is it possible to actually forget EVERYTHING? AND ALL THE TIME????

Ok, so I lost some brain cells. Thats the obvious. But one thing I do know, is that I am very excited about 2010. I have never been so happy to say good-bye to a year. There were some really cool things that happened in 2009, but for the most part, it may live in my mind as one of the worst years ever. God blessed us with Baby Malina though! And I am grateful for that!

Here are some great memories of 2009:

1. The Healing Service at the Rock Church San Bernardino. The taste of hope I received from fully surrendering my marriage and other aspects of life to Christ.

2. Spending time with Linsey, both in California and Arizona.

3. Delivering Malina and knowing that everything would be OK.

4. That taste of hope again when Chip got a job after looking for two weeks.

5. Experience the love of Christ through not only my family, but the many friends that showed Christ to me these last 5 months.

And HERE is what I am most excited for in 2010:

1. The joy of a regular work schedule for Chip! and the hope for him to grow in his new job/career..

2. To get this baby weight off and start working out HARD again! YAY!

3. To enjoy my time with all three kids home and learn how to manage while Chip works far from home now!

4. Continue considering getting Crossfit Certified and really get serious about training and boot camps!

5. To take Cana to Kindergarten in the fall! I can’t believe that is going to happen!

6. To pay off medial bills and hopefully not accumulate any more!!! hahahahaha.

Welcome to 2010 people. I. AM. EXCITED.

Baby Malina is here

So my baby is HERE!!!!

We have decided to name her Malina Elizabeth Anne Neal. I know, long name as Chip says. He actually always says… “so what’s her middle names again???” haha!!!

We named her Malina for a few reasons. First of all, I LOVE meanings behind names. You can blame it on all the books I have read on the Jewish heritage. Their names always mean something and I feel like my kids are reminders to me of Christ’s strength in my life and I love to have their names bring meaning to me. So we actually found Malina on a Hebrew baby name’s website. The cool thing is, is that I really wanted to name her a family name. And we were going with Lena, but Chip wasn’t into it that much. (Lena is a sister of one of my Italian grandparents!) So when Chip found Malina and saw that it meant “of the Tower” (I think I capitalized tower) and we both liked it, we realized it was meant to be. We have had to pull so much strength from our TOWER – being Christ in our lives these past few months specifically, that Malina will always be a reminder of God’s continued faithfulness and HIS strength in carrying us through.

Elizabeth is my middle name, and Anne is Carrie’s middle name. I LOVE love love love love my sister. So it just made sense to me to give Malina both of our middle names.

I have lots more pictures to go through, but this is just one I grabbed of her while we were still in the hospital!

SO, the labor story. (If you care) More for my documentation since it is fresh in my mind still and I don’t want to forget!

Sunday morning Dec. 6th, I woke up with labor pains. They are SO VERY different than a braxton hick. I always pray that God will help me figure out the difference, but as soon as a real one hits, oh man, you just KNOW. They started coming closer together, and I needed to get to the hospital to get 4 hrs worth of penicillin in my system (tested positive for strep B). I get to the hospital and my contractions GO AWAY and I’m only dilated to 3. LAME! I’m afraid they are gonna send me home… but I know. I KNOW I am in labor and I know it’ll happen fast once it really kicks in! So I just look at Chip and want to cry. What if they actually send me HOME????? So about an hour into it I swear my water breaks (leaks they called it) on its own and the contractions started up a bit more. They finally decide I’m in labor. (I got there around 7:30 or 8am. They started the penicillin around 9:30am) So it took them an hour and a half to decide to keep me! By then I was at a 5 and they let me walk to the delivery room. The nurse looked at me and said, “so you don’t want an epidural?” I said, “uh… no.” and then she said, “You go fast huh?” I said, “well, my last two were pretty fast…” And then she just said to me, “You are making me nervous. I need to get a doctor here.” haha! I thought that was so funny!

Anyways that nurse ended up being amazing. I almost broke her hand from me squeezing her so hard – this was after delivery. So after a couple hours of contractions and another bag of water breaking, baby Malina made her appearance after about 3 hard contractions of me pushing (OH and I broke some blood vessels around my eyes. That was cute the next day!)

Her birthday and time is:

1:01pm on Sunday December 6th. She weighed 7 lbs 14 oz and was 20 in. long. My biggest baby!!

I LOVE NOT BEING PREGNANT!!! I told Chip, as we were in our recovery room, that he should just walk around the hospital and see if there were any Dr’s available to give him a vasectomy while we were there! hahahahaha.

It is always an amazing experience birthing a child. The pain is like NONE I could ever explain, and like NONE I will ever remember again. Its so weird.

Malina is precious. Her brother and sister LOVE her and she just fits in with the family. My heart is full, my life is full and I praise God for my family.

My sweet friend

I have amazing friends. I’m pretty sure I’ve shared that on here in previous posts, but truly, until I reached some low valley’s in my life (during this pregnancy) I didn’t understand quite the extent of the people God has placed in my life and why.

I think I’ve shared before that I’m not the lady that LOVES being pregnant. I like to MOVE, I like to run with my kids, be active and then sleep really good (on my stomach!! haha) So being sick, achy, gaining weight – although it’s beautiful, a miracle and for the sake of a new life, it just isn’t my favorite thing. Add on all that has gone on during this pregnancy and you can see why, although I am overly excited for this new baby girl’s arrival, I never want to be pregnant again!!!

To bring this post full circle, I need to bring up my sweet friend Ashley Bugg… one of those friends that God has put in my life. I always knew I loved her, but my goodness, talk about a friend who just brought joy to my life, from her sweet smile, to her just listening and crying alongside me, to making me be excited about being pregnant… She is amazing.  She is also so creative and took some maternity pictures for me while Chip was gone. I can’t show all of them, but I’ll show one or two… trying to keep them a surprise for Christmas gifts

Thanks Ashley, you are such a gift to me.

www.buggphotographer.com

My heart is happy

My heart is happy because:

My husband is HOME and life feels like it should be.

I actually slept all night. (I haven’t done that in 6 weeks)

Chip LOVED the new kitchen wall. He was beyond excited about it!

I get to enjoy my french press coffee with my husband this morning.

We get to go to Cana’s soccer game as a family today.

LIFE IS HOW IT SHOULD BE – husband and wife together, living, loving, taking care of kids, laughing, talking. The way God intended.

The last 6 weeks brought the worst out in me – anger, loneliness, worry… emotions so deep I couldn’t comprehend them. God brought me through on my side, and grew Chip so much where he was. We are totally and completely on the road to healing, and it will take work, but at least we are doing it together. Our God is continually faithful.

Happenings

Time to talk.

I think this has been the hardest 6 weeks of my life. On Labor Day 2009 Chip resigned from his position at RPC and headed down to Sierra Tucson to get help. Help in handling his pain. Help in dealing with the emotions that came with the pain he has endured from too many surgeries, shots in his back and falls from his health problems going south. Help in getting some control back in his life. Things in our household were spiraling downward and it was time.

Chip left for a 45 day program. I cried. Cried from the depths of my soul, feelings I never knew I even had, came to the surface. But the majority of the emotions… hurt, anger, abandonment, fear and mostly loneliness were strong.

Family and friends came around me, made life feel as normal as possible for our kids. We had as much fun as we could, talking about daddy, missing daddy, crying over daddy and yet still living, trying to live with this empty pit inside. Sometimes it seems like life moves SO FAST, right? Well, not these last six weeks. It has been the slowest time frame of my life.  I would look around and see everyone else’s life moving forward, doing their daily life with their family members, enjoying the weather, enjoying the fun that our state has to offer as it slowly started to cool down… I couldn’t help but compare my life (not the best choice) look down at my belly, see it grow, move, feel the pain of early contractions, deal with all the pregnancy stuff alone and really wish life was different for us.

Chip started with calls every other day or so… but it was too hard for the kids. So we needed an “every day phone call from dad plan.” Poor Chip, I cried or yelled at him the majority of our conversations. As I would get confused about where he was in his treatment. I’d have to continually remember – this is a process, he is in the middle of this and he is learning and growing so much, it is hard for me to understand and wrap my head around. Patience. I needed that. It doesn’t run strong in my being.

The picture above was taken when we actually took the kids down to see him. Sadly, the highlight of this trip was not seeing him. It was SO HARD. Two hours, that’s all we got with him. He was dealing with things, I was struggling and at the end, it was like watching the saddest movie ever on Lifetime… the kids walking away crying so hard as Chip stood at the end of the hallway crying. We cried almost all the way home.

Well, we are on the home stretch. We pick Chip up on Friday. His 45 days will be complete. I got to be down there with him for family week – a week of therapy for families along with their family member who is in treatment. We were finally able to talk face to face, about life, about OUR LIFE. What we want, what we need, how to communicate better. We talked about the pain, the hurts, all the things that built up leading to him being there and realizing we get to move forward now. We get to start a new path. We are healing. All of us are healing and as much fear I have about him coming home, I have never been so excited in all my life. Time to start fresh, using the tools that Sierra Tucson has given us to move forward and be healthy as a family.